It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
