My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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