I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
