Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
