My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
