I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish you could order shots online.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
