i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found puke in my bra..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
