I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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