This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
