Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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