so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A bitchslap is in order.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
