i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
