The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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