Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
