ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize