The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
