I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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