my phone needs a breathalizer
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
