I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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