Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
