You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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