so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
