Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
