I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
