Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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