remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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