They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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