She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
