At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
