You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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