You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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