I cockslap morals
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
