the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
