I could make wine with my vomit
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.