you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.