It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?