I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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