The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"