Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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