New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
