I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ok first of all what the fuck
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
