i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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