Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
