It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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