You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
