look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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