I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize