also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
accomplished twins. life is a go
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
