my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
