I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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