okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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