Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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