i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
