Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
