you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
