I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
