Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
