woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
