my soul wont recognize me after tonight
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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