Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize