I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
