Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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