She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
