Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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