i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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