We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
