I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I understand Curling. That high.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
