i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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