a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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