My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
