what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
