My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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