sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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