I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My ass is underappreciated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
