i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
where are my eyebrows?
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