It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
