I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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