i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
